I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
