My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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