So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
