I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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