I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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