I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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