i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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