i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
