Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
