I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
