I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So vagazzling was a success
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
