Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
