Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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