Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
