Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
