Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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