I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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