Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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