Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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