Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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