Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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