I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So apparently I’m into choking now
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
