idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
