He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
