So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize