we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What a dumb baby whore.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Randomize
