Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
