Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
