you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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