the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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