Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
