My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
