Just cropdusted the office
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
