There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
