Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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