Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
