so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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