I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
