I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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