In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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