I didn't shave. On purpose
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
