if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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