took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
