my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
