last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
