your thong is hanging out like whoa
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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