i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
two words...techno handjob
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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