Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
