you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
