I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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