But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize