OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Your dad touched me again.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize