Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You're a waste of cheezeits
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
