just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
