Will you blow on my dice?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
