That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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