so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have aggressive nipples.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
