Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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