Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
