I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
