She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
