I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
