I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
