Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
