Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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