so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
