she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
