ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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