Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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