Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
