Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
