I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
