Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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