Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
