i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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