I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
