do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
